Teleserye Sa Nobela: TELENOBELA.

Isinulat ni Maggie Dimaano.


Hayun. Matapos ko maisipan ng pamagat ang aking isinusulat na nobela, ako ay nagpahinga ng kaunting sandali. Naisipan kong manood ng telebisiyon upang makapag-relax.

ON.
Binuksan ang telebisiyon.


"Kailangan ko na ngayon ng mga karakter. Kailangan yung patok na patok. Kailangan hindi kaumay-umay. Kailangan mapapa-ibig ko ang aking mga mambabasa," aking naisip habang nanonood.


Lipat ng istasiyon.
Channel 3...

Sa kanonood ko ng mga telenobela sa hapon at sa gabi, naisip ko na kailangan ay kamangha-mangha ang aking mga pangunahing tauhan sa nobela!

Pangalan, pangalan, pangalan... Cris... Crisostomo Ibarra. Hmmm, maaari. At ang babae? Maria Clara. Ayan, bagay na bagay.

Pero dapat may twist! Hindi kaakit akit! Paano kaya kung maging anak ng pari si Maria Clara? Paano kaya kung may karibal si Crisostomo Ibarra? Aha! Oo, tamang-tama! Nakakatuwa! At ang pangalan? Linares! Ayan! Halos kumpleto na!

Pero, problema... anong klaseng mga tao sila?


Lipat ng istasiyon.
Channel 2...

Hayun! Ang love team ni Bea Alonzo at John Lloyd Cruz sa "Betty La Fea!" Pero hindi magiging kaakit-akit! Hindi kaibig-ibig kung kasing pangit ni Betty (Bea Alonzo) ang aking leading lady! Lalo na sa mga pari! O, Santisima! Baka hindi pa maaprubahan ang nobela ko! Isa pa! Baka akalaing pedophile si Crisostomo Ibarra kung iuugnay ko kay John Lloyd! Hindi ba? Ilang taon lang ba si Bea Alonzo para maging katambal si John Lloyd! Hindi katanggap-tanggap!

Erase, erase, erase!


Lipat ng istasiyon.
Channel 7...

Dyesebel. Wala nang sasabihin pa. (No comment).

"Oo, hindi ako tanga, Kapamilya 'to," sabi ko sa aking sarili.


Lipat ng istasiyon.
Channel 2...

Ang tambalan sa "Tayong Dalawa" na sina Dave (Jake Cuenca), Audrey (Kim Chiu), at si JR (Gerald Anderson). Puwede kaya? Nako! Hindi pala! Hindi naman puwedeng maging magkapatid si Crisostomo Ibarra at si Linares! Hindi rin puwedeng maging tawagan nila ay "bok" o "mista," nako. Lubhang napaka-baduy. Yak. At isa pa, si Maria Clara! Hindi maaring maging malandi na tulad ni Audrey, na pati magkapatid ay ginagawang nobyo! Nako. Mali, mali! Hindi ito maaari!


Lipat ng istasiyon.
Channel 3...

ZZZ... ZZZ... ZZZ...
Ano ba namang telebisyon 'to. Walang ibang channel!


Lipat ng istasiyon.
Channel 2...

Pangako Sa'yo. Ayun! Eto, tamang tama! Saktong sakto! Ang tambalang Ina (Kristine Hermosa) at Angelo (Jericho Rosales)! Mabubuhay si Crisostomo Ibarra sa karakter ni Angelo! Isang matipuno, mayaman, at makisig na personalidad. Katulad ko - es muy simpatico! At si Maria Clara naman sa katauhan ni Ina. Isang mayumi, walang kasing ganda at higat sa lahat, isang tunay na dalagang Pilipina! Sakto na! Pero paano si Linares? Hmmm... Aha! Ayun! Si Errol (Onemig Bondoc) na karibal ni Angelo! Isang mayaman na hindi binibigyang pansin ng natatanging dilag. Ayan! Perpekto na!


OFF.
Pinatay ang telebisiyon.

Makatulog nga.

Romeo.. Romeo.. Where art thou MY Romeoo?

Ang pangit.

Parang... pakiramdam ko... hindi na naging Romeo and Juliet ang dapat na maging titolo ng dula kung hindi "Romeo and Julio".

Ang pangit nga lang talaga pakinggan dahil ako ang napagandang si Juliet. Ayos ba? Hindi ko nga lamang maintindihan, bakit nga ba ako ang ginawang si Juliet? Ako ba ang pinaka mukang babae sa aming lahat? Bakit hindi nalang si Del Pilar? O si Ponce? Dahil ba may bigote sila at ako wala? Napakasama nga naman talaga.

Hindi naman ako ganun ka mukang babae diba? O mukha nga ba talaga? :|
Oo! Ginusto ko na maging bida ako pero hindi ko inakala na magiging babaeng bida ako. OO sa mga original na mga dula ni William ay mga lalaki talaga ang mga tauhan pero hindi ba modernong mundo na ang tinitirahan natin ngayon? hindi na pwede nalang ako maging si Romeo? Gwapo naman ako. At ang maging si Juliet ko ay isang tila napakagandang babae na ang balat ay kasing kinis ni Marian Rivera. "O! she doth teach the torches to burn bright" Nanghihina ako pagnakikita ko siya. Natutuwa ang pagkalalaki ko at gusto ko lamang siya makasama ng magisa lamang kami. Bakit hindi nalang xa ang ginawang Juliet? nakakainis naman eh. Tapos ang pangit pangit pa ni Romeo. dapat talaga ako nalang si Romeo. Bwisit.

Hindi bale. Ayos lang to. Sana lang hindi ako matuluyan sa ginagawa kong ito. Kadiri kaya. Isipin mo ako na sinasabi "Romeo, Romeo... Where art thou Romeo?!. Nandidiri talaga ako. Tumataas ang balahibo ko at bumabaluktot ang pagkalalaki ko. Kadiri talaga.

Sana lang hindi matuloy ang kissing scene na dapat mangyari. Pwede bang may dobol nalang? Ayaw ko ng ganun. Mahirap na. Paano kung magkagusto sakin si Romeo sa totoong buhay? Sana naman wag. Diyos ko tulungan niyo ako. Pero ganito, papayag ako sa isang halik kung ibibigay niyo sakin si Marian Rivera o si Angel Locsin. Magkaiba man kami ng mundo pero sila ang sinisigaw ng puso at pagkalalaki ko. Sila lamang wala nang iba.

Naririnig ko na ang napakatamis na boses nila "Rizal.. Rizal. Where are thou Rizal..." Ahhhhhhh.... Kung sana nga maging totoo... Kay ganda ng buhay.

Pero hindi ganyan ang kwento ni Romeo at Juliet. Eto ay isang kwento na puno ng pagmamahal pero paghihirap at sakit. Bagay nga naman pala sakin si Juliet. Ako ay isang certified "Emo". Kakayanin ko to. Ako si Juliet. Ako ay maganda. Ako ay magaling. Ako ay isang tunay na lalaki dahil hindi ako takot na gampanan ang isang posisyon na pambabae. Isa akong tunay na bayani. Mahuhulog ang loob sakin ng mga manonood dahil sa galing ko. Ako ang magiging pinakamagaling na Juliet sa buong mundo. Makikilala ako at ang aking reform movement at balang araw gagawa kami ng sarili naming mga dula at iikot kami sa buong mundo para maipakita ito sa ibang tao.

Magaling. Magaling. Nakikita ko na ang magandang buhas at ang mga naghihintay sakin. Dapat na ako magpractice magautograph. Sisikat na ako. Sana lang wag makielam tong mga bwisit na kastila. Mga seloso kasi. Hindi nila gusto na may pinoy na masmagaling sa kanila. Bahala sila. Ayaw nila maging Juliet... edi manigas sila. Kakayanin ko to.

Sige na mga kaibigan. Mageensayo na ulit kami. dapat galingan namin. Manood kayo ha! Mahal ko kayo lahat :P *wink wink!

"OH never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

isinulat ni Joey Nocom

The Beautiful Islas of Maguumukaku

           At the beginning, there was the Giant and there was the Giant's wife. The Giant's name was LABUYO and his spouse's name was MAGOO. They started first as friends, became close, then ended up, as lovers. LABUYO loved his face. He loved it so much, it is barely next only to his love for his wife, Magoo.

            One cold, attractive, naughty, steamy and silent night, their first night together, while they were...*wink* ...*wink* ... with all the action and passion, MAGOO, being so excited, got carried away! And she unfortunately, accidentally, sadly scratched! LABUYO's well taken cared of "Mukha" and screamed "Ilong ko!" followed by a SPLAT! on the floor, the sound of LABUYO's nose as it flew away, glided, then finally dropped at the floor, from his face. LABUYO screamed in horror! Oh horror it is! As he saw his reflection, without his beloved ILONG.. Because of this, the humungous couple fought. The Giants clashed with their arguments. MAGOO's inability to contain herself caused her to harm and take away the piece of her husband's face. LABUYO, loving MAGOO so much, couldt do the same to her. But after their fight, they were able to settle the dispute.

            The next night was also cold, attractive, naughty, steamy and silent. They again got it goin on again. They reved up their engines and pushed the pedal to the metal. As the pedal was grinding to the metal, MAGOO once again, got carried away! But this time, she unfortunately, accidentally, sadly slapped of his whole jaw, followed by a bizzarely unfamiliar scream of "Pang.. Panga ko!" And his jaw slammed flat on the floor. He then again screamed because of the bloody mess that he saw. The night became a rematch of their clash the previous night. MAGOO's inablity to contain herself now cost her two pieces of her husband's face. But after their fight, they were able to settle the dispute.

            The night following another unfortunate, accidental, and sad evening like the night two days before, the same thing happened. This time another part of his face fell away from his head followed by a SPLAT! on the floor. Again they fought, but made up again before the night ended.

            The gigantuous couple were carrying a big sack of misfortune on their backs for again, the same incident happened, with a different part of the face falling off due to scratches, slaps, punches, kicks, or bites. And this series of unfortunate, accidental and sad misfortune carried on and continued for seven thousand and one hundred and six days with the same results. Each day, different parts of his face are being taken away and each time he screams the part of his face that was scaped away. Each day he screams becomes distorted, difficult to understand and different from the previous one, along with his face slowly being distorted each day.

            The seven thousand and one hundred and seventh day they are together was not a exception, in fact it grew worse and was an unforgettable day. The night again was also cold, attractive, naughty, steamy and silent. MAGOO couldnt learn from the past and did not contain herself again. But this time, LABUYO's face was now blank, without any feature, because of the continuous nights of MAGOO's mistakes. And because there was nothing else to scratch, slap, punch, kick, or bite, MAGOO ripped away his husband's whole blank face from his head and screamed in agony "MAGUUMUKAKU!" and finally died and put out of his misery. MAGOO could not believe what happened. Her husband died, and it was all because of her. She couldnt take it and burst out into a great falls of tears. She kept on crying, weeping, and mourning until the floor flooded with her salty tears, submerging parts of LABUYO's face.

            These parts of LABUYO's face became islands, seven thousand and one hundred seven islands, and it was beautiful. In memory of his husband, MAGOO called it the islands of MAGUUMUKAKU, from her husbands last words. She then inhabited the islands with their offsprings, speaking dialects different with each islands, similar to the words LABUYO screamed each day which became their dialect and ethnicity.

            Up until now, MAGOO cries in respect of her husbands demise, submerging the islands into high tide, and stops only at night when she sleeps at the Cordielleras, the Sirra Madres, and the water level subsides..

o_o
/

Where are we going?

It's about time I travelled... I can only learn so much here. I have to see Spain. I want to know what it's like and how people get along there with one another. So... I need a map! Oh! Hello there map! Could you tell me how to get to Spain?

Map: Sure!

Yey! Thank you very much! So how do we go to Spain?

Map: OK! First you need a passport right? I bet good ol' Jose Mercado is willing to lend you one!

Yey! Good ol' Jose Mercado! Then what do we do next?

Map: Next is we're going to ride a boat called the Salvadora! And your Uncle Antonio is going to take you there!

Yey! Salvadora! What a pretty name!

Map: From there on, we start setting sail! But we can't sail all the way to Spain in a jiffy just yet.

Awww... that's so sad... and a waste of time...

Map: Cheer up Pepe! It's not so bad as long as you learn something. And we'll all be dropping by Singapore!

Yey! Singapore! Another colonized nation just like us!

Map: Yes, yes! And besides you'll get to see lots of mountains and islands along the way. Anyway, after Singapore you'll be headed to Punta de Gales and then to Colombo then to the through the African Coast ...

Yey! The Afri--

Map: Shhhhh! And then you'll be landing in Aden... and then you move towards the Suez Canal and ride a new boat called the Djemnah... Then you will be disembarking in Naples... But don't dispair you're already in Europe...

.....................

Map: Then you ride a boat to Marseilles... which is really close now by the way... and finally! DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!

!!!!

Map: You take the train to BARCELONA, SPAIN!!!

Yeah!!! We did it! We did it! Thanks a million map!

Map: Don't sweat it! Just doing my job!

So that's all the time we have for today folks! Tune in again to PEPE THE EXPLORER! ADIOS INDIOS!!!

The Beautiful Islas of Maguumukaku

At the beginning, there was the Giant and there was the Giant's wife. The Giant's name was LABUYO and his spouse's name was MAGOO. They started first as friends, became close, then ended up, as lovers. LABUYO loved his face. He loved it so much, it is barely next only to his love for his wife, Magoo.

One cold, attractive, naughty, steamy and silent night, their first night together, while they were...*wink* ...*wink* ... with all the action and passion, MAGOO, being so excited, got carried away! And she unfortunately, accidentally, sadly scratched! LABUYO's well taken cared of "Mukha" and screamed "Ilong ko!" followed by a SPLAT! on the floor, the sound of LABUYO's nose as it flew away, glided, then finally dropped at the floor, from his face. LABUYO screamed in horror! Oh horror it is! As he saw his reflection, without his beloved ILONG.. Because of this, the humungous couple fought. The Giants clashed with their arguments. MAGOO's inability to contain herself caused her to harm and take away the piece of her husband's face. LABUYO, loving MAGOO so much, couldt do the same to her. But after their fight, they were able to settle the dispute.

The next night was also cold, attractive, naughty, steamy and silent. They again got it goin on again. They reved up their engines and pushed the pedal to the metal. As the pedal was grinding to the metal, MAGOO once again, got carried away! But this time, she unfortunately, accidentally, sadly slapped of his whole jaw, followed by a bizzarely unfamiliar scream of "Pang.. Panga ko!" And his jaw slammed flat on the floor. He then again screamed because of the bloody mess that he saw. The night became a rematch of their clash the previous night. MAGOO's inablity to contain herself now cost her two pieces of her husband's face. But after their fight, they were able to settle the dispute.

The night following another unfortunate, accidental, and sad evening like the night two days before, the same thing happened. This time another part of his face fell away from his head followed by a SPLAT! on the floor. Again they fought, but made up again before the night ended.

The gigantuous couple were carrying a big sack of misfortune on their backs for again, the same incident happened, with a different part of the face falling off due to scratches, slaps, punches, kicks, or bites. And this series of unfortunate, accidental and sad misfortune carried on and continued for seven thousand and one hundred and six days with the same results. Each day, different parts of his face are being taken away and each time he screams the part of his face that was scaped away. Each day he screams becomes distorted, difficult to understand and different from the previous one, along with his face slowly being distorted each day.

The seven thousand and one hundred and seventh day they are together was not a exception, in fact it grew worse and was an unforgettable day. The night again was also cold, attractive, naughty, steamy and silent. MAGOO couldnt learn from the past and did not contain herself again. But this time, LABUYO's face was now blank, without any feature, because of the continuous nights of MAGOO's mistakes. And because there was nothing else to scratch, slap, punch, kick, or bite, MAGOO ripped away his husband's whole blank face from his head and screamed in agony "MAGUUMUKAKU!" and finally died and put out of his misery. MAGOO could not believe what happened. Her husband died, and it was all because of her. She couldnt take it and burst out into a great falls of tears. She kept on crying, weeping, and mourning until the floor flooded with her salty tears, submerging parts of LABUYO's face.

These parts of LABUYO's face became islands, seven thousand and one hundred seven islands, and it was beautiful. In memory of his husband, MAGOO called it the islands of MAGUUMUKAKU, from her husbands last words. She then inhabited the islands with their offsprings, speaking dialects different with each islands, similar to the words LABUYO screamed each day which became their dialect and ethnicity.

Up until now, MAGOO cries in respect of her husbands demise, submerging the islands into high tide, and stops only at night when she sleeps at the Cordielleras, the Sirra Madres, and the water level subsides..

o_o

PS, Guys edit nio nalang kung may gusto pa kayong baguhin.

Romeo.. Romeo.. Where art thou MY Romeoo?

Ang pangit.

Parang... pakiramdam ko... hindi na naging Romeo and Juliet ang dapat na maging titolo ng dula kung hindi "Romeo and Julio".

Ang pangit nga lang talaga pakinggan dahil ako ang napagandang si Juliet. Ayos ba? Hindi ko nga lamang maintindihan, bakit nga ba ako ang ginawang si Juliet? Ako ba ang pinaka mukang babae sa aming lahat? Bakit hindi nalang si Del Pilar? O si Ponce? Dahil ba may bigote sila at ako wala? Napakasama nga naman talaga.

Hindi naman ako ganun ka mukang babae diba? O mukha nga ba talaga? :|
Oo! Ginusto ko na maging bida ako pero hindi ko inakala na magiging babaeng bida ako. OO sa mga original na mga dula ni William ay mga lalaki talaga ang mga tauhan pero hindi ba modernong mundo na ang tinitirahan natin ngayon? hindi na pwede nalang ako maging si Romeo? Gwapo naman ako. At ang maging si Juliet ko ay isang tila napakagandang babae na ang balat ay kasing kinis ni Marian Rivera. "O! she doth teach the torches to burn bright" Nanghihina ako pagnakikita ko siya. Natutuwa ang pagkalalaki ko at gusto ko lamang siya makasama ng magisa lamang kami. Bakit hindi nalang xa ang ginawang Juliet? nakakainis naman eh. Tapos ang pangit pangit pa ni Romeo. dapat talaga ako nalang si Romeo. Bwisit.

Hindi bale. Ayos lang to. Sana lang hindi ako matuluyan sa ginagawa kong ito. Kadiri kaya. Isipin mo ako na sinasabi "Romeo, Romeo... Where art thou Romeo?!. Nandidiri talaga ako. Tumataas ang balahibo ko at bumabaluktot ang pagkalalaki ko. Kadiri talaga.

Sana lang hindi matuloy ang kissing scene na dapat mangyari. Pwede bang may dobol nalang? Ayaw ko ng ganun. Mahirap na. Paano kung magkagusto sakin si Romeo sa totoong buhay? Sana naman wag. Diyos ko tulungan niyo ako. Pero ganito, papayag ako sa isang halik kung ibibigay niyo sakin si Marian Rivera o si Angel Locsin. Magkaiba man kami ng mundo pero sila ang sinisigaw ng puso at pagkalalaki ko. Sila lamang wala nang iba.

Naririnig ko na ang napakatamis na boses nila "Rizal.. Rizal. Where are thou Rizal..." Ahhhhhhh.... Kung sana nga maging totoo... Kay ganda ng buhay.

Pero hindi ganyan ang kwento ni Romeo at Juliet. Eto ay isang kwento na puno ng pagmamahal pero paghihirap at sakit. Bagay nga naman pala sakin si Juliet. Ako ay isang certified "Emo". Kakayanin ko to. Ako si Juliet. Ako ay maganda. Ako ay magaling. Ako ay isang tunay na lalaki dahil hindi ako takot na gampanan ang isang posisyon na pambabae. Isa akong tunay na bayani. Mahuhulog ang loob sakin ng mga manonood dahil sa galing ko. Ako ang magiging pinakamagaling na Juliet sa buong mundo. Makikilala ako at ang aking reform movement at balang araw gagawa kami ng sarili naming mga dula at iikot kami sa buong mundo para maipakita ito sa ibang tao.

Magaling. Magaling. Nakikita ko na ang magandang buhas at ang mga naghihintay sakin. Dapat na ako magpractice magautograph. Sisikat na ako. Sana lang wag makielam tong mga bwisit na kastila. Mga seloso kasi. Hindi nila gusto na may pinoy na masmagaling sa kanila. Bahala sila. Ayaw nila maging Juliet... edi manigas sila. Kakayanin ko to.

Sige na mga kaibigan. Mageensayo na ulit kami. dapat galingan namin. Manood kayo ha! Mahal ko kayo lahat :P *wink wink!

"OH never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

isinulat ni Joey Nocom

EUROOOOOOOOOOPAAAAA

isinulat ni Kenichi Uang